COURT DATE, COURT DATE, COURT DATE!

I can't say it enough and I can't believe it either. I was on my way out the door this morning to work and I got a phone call from our coordinator. She said "Amber I have a court date". I said "YOU DO" and she said "yes, it is January 22nd". Of coarse I cried and buried my head in disbelief and gratitude, it felt like a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders. What a beautiful way to start this snowy day. I feel so calm and so relieved to finally be in the court system. I feel like we have been floating around in a dark abyss for 5 months and now we have finally landed somewhere. My Mom is so cute, she brought my 3 kids and a little Ethiopia book with a "congratulations" balloon to work today - so thoughtful. So 3 weeks until Court Day, that sounds like a long time - HA I say! I just did 5 months of hard core solitary waiting time, 3 weeks is a walk in the park!!! I am so grateful and so excited to be at the finish line of this seemingly never ending saga in my life. Oh ya, my kids and husband are exstatic as well. We celebrated tonight by getting wasted on garlic bread, brushetta and pizza.... Gotta love a reason to eat. Pray for the 22nd!

The Magic Paper!!!

Today is a great day! I got an e-mail from our coordinator at 9:30 am with the simple word: SOCIAL. Excitement cannot explain how I felt, relief maybe. Attached was Demot's social history of which I will cherish and share with her someday. It had the meaning of her name (a place in Ethiopia), her Mother's name and her birthdate. Her birthday is March 12, 2009. What a blessed day that is! I can't believe she may be home for her 1st birthday. I finally feel like there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. The past 4 months I have pictured myself being stuck in a tunnel watching everyone else zoom by me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except hope and pray that I might someday get on the track with them. Like the "Little Engine That Could" I finally feel like I am on that track, on my way up, almost to the top of that impervious hill, all the way saying to myself: "I think I can, I think I can, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, I think I can, I think I can, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, I think I can etc....... Now I can honestly say "I know I can" see the top, the light and finally the finish line.

COME ON COURT DATE!!!!!

Holy Cow 19 years!

There is no news on the adoption front but huge news otherwise. Shane and I have been married for 19 years today! What a blessing to have a husband so patient, kind, loving and supportive. I can't believe it has been 19 years. I am amazed to say that in one more year I will have been married longer than I was not (wrap your brain around that). So much has happened to us over the past 19 years I wanted to make a little list of some of the wonderful memories we have shared. Marriage truly is like a roller coaster ride and I would not want to be on it with any one else. I love you honey!

XOXOXOOOO

*This list can't do justice to all 19 years but these are some of my fondest and most blessed events:

First home 7 feet from the railroad tracks

Surprise I brought you two kittens! I know how you love cats :( oops

Buying our first home (Carriage Crossing condo)

Camping trip, oops you forgot the tent :(

Morgan Leigh McMillan 2/5/94

Sleepless nights

Moving to Phoenix (yukky apartment living waiting for home to be built, crazy neighbors)

Second home in Phoenix (your dream right on a golf coarse, and utility road :( )

Learning that home placement is important for sleep!

Surgery for our baby girl (very scary)

Not much success in Phoenix time to move back to Utah

Jenson Shane McMillan 11/12/96

More sleepless nights

3rd home in Bountiful (such a great home and so many great memories)

Cutting trees, yard work until 12:00 am!

Ruby (sorry just couldn't leave her out)

Remodel

New business

Golf addiction (wouldn't change it for the world)

Trips to Mexico

Christmases, Thanksgivings, Birthdays, Mother Day, Father's Day, 4th of July Breakfasts

Easter in St. George

Olympics (yikes)

Carter Philip McMillan 6/12/01

LOTS OF PERSONAL GROWTH FOR BOTH OF US (Lift Off etc...)

Moved to Colorado

Rental Home (blessed friends)

4th Home (right?) in Highlands Ranch

Lots of success with work = great trips with you honey! Bahamas, St. Kitts, Baltic Sea, Washington DC, South Carolina, Disneyland (all with lots of memories of their own)

Lessons learned time to move home

5th home in Bountiful

Skiing, camping, boating, hiking, more yard work LOTS...

Somethings missing.................January 09 "Let's adopt" And the angels wept!

What an amazing ride I can't believe it, I love you. I honor you. YOU are my greatest teacher, my soul mate, my companion, my friend, my lover, my hero.

Amber

Blog-o-loague

Blog-0-loague: def: A combination of random thought, ideas and or questions written down for the pure enjoyment/therapy of the writer herself and not particularly entertaining for anyone else.

(I wrote that myself).

When I was little I used to love to cut out bits and pieces of the newspaper or magazines and glue them all over paper to make a coloague. I don't really have anything important to blog about, but a lot of random thoughts that I decided to get out of my head thus creating a blog-o-loague... Maybe, just maybe it will make me feel better while we continue to yearn for a court date.

- I love the days when I only check my e-mail 20 times instead of 40-50 times. OCD = ME

- This one is hard to admit so don't judge me: If my kids are on the computer and I want to check my e-mail, I give them a random errand to go do, slip in the chair log on and check to see if there is any new news on the forum, click out and escape unnoticed!

- "Patience is a virtue" was made up by someone with great patience!

- I am blessed to have great friends that forgive me when I am "in my stuff".

- In the adoption world never say "I know she will be home by..."

- Why does time seem to go soooooo sloooooow when you are waiting for something so exciting?

- Absence does make the heart grow fonder: I miss you Shane :) and Grace...

- Will Grace fit into all the clothes I have bought her by the time she gets home?

- Does the fact that I wake up every night 2-3 times as well as wake up at 5:00 or 5:30 am mean God is preparing me for a baby again, or just drinking too much water?

- Living vicariously through other people's adoption blogs cannot be healthy, yet I find it so healing right now.

- I love watching U-Tube adoption videos more than reading or watching regular TV right now. Great entertainment, wholesome, no commercials and they always make me cry (not too hard these days).

- Is it possible to study too much and share with your kids everything you have learned that day about the country and region their sister is from?

- Is it mean to then make them listen and get angry when they don't seem to care?

- Finally, is it sad that I had to look up the word "coloague"?

Hmmm there's a lot more but for now I will just chew on all of that!

A good day!

Today is a good day! Yesterday, not so great. I found out yesterday that Damot's file was not complete and that MOWA (Ministry of Womens Affairs) in Addis Ababa is requesting more information from the region that Damot is from. I was told that this could take up to one week to get and then we can be re-submitted for a court date. So for now I just keep breathing and as Shane keeps telling me "it's all in divine order"! Last night I told him to not tell me that one more time, but today and even last night in my heart I know he is right. He also told me last night that I am not the most patient person and that this was the "perfect" lesson for me. That hit me pretty hard because I knew it was true! Anyway, this morning my computer obsession took over again and on my way out the door to go to the gym I decided I would just take a peek at the adoption forum to see if there was any news on anything (I know it's crazy, I don't care anymore). Low and behold there was a post from a woman that is in Ethiopia waiting to pass court and loving on her baby at the care center. She left a tid bit of information about Damot that just made my day! She said: Damot is beautiful and delicate. She loves to smile and is sitting up. She loves to scoot in the walker and loves to throw toys out of her crib. She hates getting her nose wiped and went outside with one of the nannies yesterday. Doesn't that just bring a smile to your face. It does me :) :) :) :) Funny how the small things in life can make me happy! What a gift to have this information about this little soul we love so dearly. This will hold me over for a while...

I believe in miracles and believe that Damot's paperwork will come in very quickly and that a court date will be assigned sooner than anticipated :) That is my families prayer!

And So It Is!

Blah, Blah, Blah and a letter to Grace!

I have not felt like posting anything lately because I have been so caught up in feeling sorry for myself that I decided today that I would post something in hopes of using this post as therapy for my weary soul. All of my other posts have been relatively upbeat and positive, keeping up with what the family is doing and how we are preparing for the arrival of Grace Damot McMillan. But as each day passes (81 to be exact), I find it harder and harder to keep a positive attitude. Our referral was given on August 20th and then courts closed. I expected, (that is where I went wrong) that shortly after courts re-opened on October 12th that a court date would soon follow...WRONG! I have continued to wait on pins and needles - literally - for the phone to ring and to hear those wonderful 5 words "You have a court date!". This wait has been one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced in my life. I know that sounds dramatic and it probably is, but it is the truth. I have seen her face, I adore her, I know her and I ache to hold her in my arms. Each day that passes I wonder if she is happy, does she know and feel her family sending her love from around the world? I have really learned a lot about prayer: 1. It is very powerful. 2. It is a direct connection and amazing form of communicating with my Heavenly Father. 3. It does bring peace in times of trial. 4. Prayers are not always answered in the way I want them. That's the kicker for me. I know there are so many beautiful and amazing lessons to be learned throughout this process, but learning that I get to trust that every thing is in divine order is not an easy one for me. Stubborn, YES I AM! Learning to be patient....hmmmm I hope so! So, with all of this blah, blah, blah being said I had someone suggest that I write a letter to Grace on my blog so that someday she will read it and know how much she was longed for, how much she was loved and how many amazing lessons were learned through the process of adopting her. So here goes:

My dearest Grace,

Right now you are far away sleeping peacefully in your crib. You have people who are caring for you, bathing you, feeding you and loving on you, for that I am grateful. The journey to bring you home has been one of so many different emotions, joy, gratitude, humility, frustration, peace and has brought your family so close together. We pray for you each morning and each night. You are never out of my thoughts. Your picture is posted throughout our home and so many people you may never even meet are sending you love. I miss you and I want you to know that you are a gift to this family and to this world. I know that there are so many beautiful things you are meant to accomplish in this lifetime and I am deeply honored to be a part of those things. I know you don't know it right now but someday when you read this I want you to be absolutely clear of one thing: YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE! You have in your short time on this earth already touched so many people and I can't wait to experience what you do with the rest of your life. What a gift to love you, what a gift you are, I love you with all of my heart and today I send you more love than you know what to do with. May the angels watch over you and keep you safe until the day that we finally meet...in person!

Love,

Your Mommy

I thought on the positive side I would give you a preview of Grace's room. It is at the 50% mark and really cute so far. I can't wait to finish it but mostly I can't wait until I look in there and see my little Gracie sleeping soundly in her freshly painted crib!

Timeless Tradition!

Halloween is one of my favorite Holidays! Costumes are being created and I will post pictures of them later this week. My Mom is sewing a costume for Carter (I will just say "The Great Pumpkin will arise"). Morgan and Jenson are at the age now where getting a costume means raiding the costume closet in the basement - so funny! We spent last night at my Mom's having a taco fest (eating as much mexican food as we could stuff in), splurging on apple crisp and carving pumpkins. I have posted some pictures of the process - enjoy!

Quick update: We are still awaiting a court date and yes, I am going crazy........