Blah, Blah, Blah and a letter to Grace!

I have not felt like posting anything lately because I have been so caught up in feeling sorry for myself that I decided today that I would post something in hopes of using this post as therapy for my weary soul. All of my other posts have been relatively upbeat and positive, keeping up with what the family is doing and how we are preparing for the arrival of Grace Damot McMillan. But as each day passes (81 to be exact), I find it harder and harder to keep a positive attitude. Our referral was given on August 20th and then courts closed. I expected, (that is where I went wrong) that shortly after courts re-opened on October 12th that a court date would soon follow...WRONG! I have continued to wait on pins and needles - literally - for the phone to ring and to hear those wonderful 5 words "You have a court date!". This wait has been one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced in my life. I know that sounds dramatic and it probably is, but it is the truth. I have seen her face, I adore her, I know her and I ache to hold her in my arms. Each day that passes I wonder if she is happy, does she know and feel her family sending her love from around the world? I have really learned a lot about prayer: 1. It is very powerful. 2. It is a direct connection and amazing form of communicating with my Heavenly Father. 3. It does bring peace in times of trial. 4. Prayers are not always answered in the way I want them. That's the kicker for me. I know there are so many beautiful and amazing lessons to be learned throughout this process, but learning that I get to trust that every thing is in divine order is not an easy one for me. Stubborn, YES I AM! Learning to be patient....hmmmm I hope so! So, with all of this blah, blah, blah being said I had someone suggest that I write a letter to Grace on my blog so that someday she will read it and know how much she was longed for, how much she was loved and how many amazing lessons were learned through the process of adopting her. So here goes:

My dearest Grace,

Right now you are far away sleeping peacefully in your crib. You have people who are caring for you, bathing you, feeding you and loving on you, for that I am grateful. The journey to bring you home has been one of so many different emotions, joy, gratitude, humility, frustration, peace and has brought your family so close together. We pray for you each morning and each night. You are never out of my thoughts. Your picture is posted throughout our home and so many people you may never even meet are sending you love. I miss you and I want you to know that you are a gift to this family and to this world. I know that there are so many beautiful things you are meant to accomplish in this lifetime and I am deeply honored to be a part of those things. I know you don't know it right now but someday when you read this I want you to be absolutely clear of one thing: YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE! You have in your short time on this earth already touched so many people and I can't wait to experience what you do with the rest of your life. What a gift to love you, what a gift you are, I love you with all of my heart and today I send you more love than you know what to do with. May the angels watch over you and keep you safe until the day that we finally meet...in person!

Love,

Your Mommy

I thought on the positive side I would give you a preview of Grace's room. It is at the 50% mark and really cute so far. I can't wait to finish it but mostly I can't wait until I look in there and see my little Gracie sleeping soundly in her freshly painted crib!